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Priestley, we owe you one. We sold you short. We didn't take you seriously. In fact, when you were mentioned at all – usually after drunkenly U-boating parked cars in your Porsche in the Hollywood Hills – it was something along the lines of "wuss," "douchebag" or "wanker."

priestleySo what happened? You had to go and prove yourself by ramming a racecar into a concrete wall at well over 100 mph. Well, you got our attention now.

And if that's what it takes to reeducate the American public as to your true standing as not simply an actor but a Man of Action, then we're happy to be of service.

The doctors said that despite massive injuries you are expected in time to recover fully. Damn good news as far as we're concerned. Because right now it's time to fire your agent, fire your manager, fire your entourage and all your professional showbiz ass-kissers and begin your new life.

Brandon is dead - long live Priestley, bona fide Five-O Man of Action.

Message to Knievel Remote Command:

Hey, Evel, I think I got something for you. When you're putting together your broadcast team for the ultimate jump you're planning right now (see the last issue of Five-O) — don't let the networks use those screwhead announcers that make Robbie's jumps damn near unwatchable. No sir. Sign up Mr. Jason Priestley to join you on the TV screen.

He's no Howard Cosell, but with his wounded-gladiator James Dean-act working its magic on the female demo, it's a guaranteed hit with viewers coast to coast. Repeat: the American viewing public do NOT want to see the usual screwheads from Fox! They are not worthy of the Evel one!

Evel, I submit to you with broadcast support from Jason Priestley, Man of Action, you're going to deliver the greatest TV extravaganza of this young century.

Viva Knievel. Five-O Out.

For more on Actors vs. Men of Action,
check out
Steve McQueen and Tom Mix!

james bombed

Issue One
Previously on Five-O
Evel Knievel & more!
hitman elvis
Dark Elvis
Compelled to Kill
by the King!
swingtime strippers
Swingtime Strippers
Babes Ahoy!
isaac hayes
Isaac Hayes
Shaft vs. South Park
at the Hollywood Bowl
jason priestley
Jason Priestley
Man of Action!
The Five-O Salute
mexican wrestling
¡Viva el Santo!
L.A.'s Lucha Libre
Cinema Slam
stanley rubin
Ace Producer Stanley Rubin
With the RKO
Studio Scoop!
 werner herzog
Werner Herzog
Plotted to Kill Kinski!
Condemns Psychoanalysis!
Five-O July/Aug
Evel Knievel & more!
jeter girl
Jeter Girl
Kristielee Wilcox
From Box Seats
to the Bronx Jail!
lawrence tierney
Lawrence Tierney
Noir Superpower
The Five-O Farewell
burning man
Burning Man
Pagans Take Nevada
Five-O Undercover
40 Years
August/September 1962
Playboy Magazine
jermaine jackson
30 Years
Jermaine Jackson
Debut Album
20 Years
william shatner
10 Years
William Shatner
National Lampoon's
Loaded Weapon
my bloody valentine
10 Years
My Bloody Valentine
U.S. Tour 1992
theron productions